Fine By Me: Chaos Novella (A Songbird Novel) Read online

  “He nailed it with that one.” I didn’t know if my cheeks were blushing or not. It sure felt like it. For a guy who was supposed to be this sex symbol, I was doing a pretty useless job. My throat felt clogged as I struggled to think of something intelligent to say.

  Did I go for smooth and aloof the way Torrence wanted me to?

  Nah, man, screw that. I just wanted to be me…the son of Phil and Caroline Tolson. The kid who had permanent grazes on his knees and elbows from hours of skateboarding, the teenager with acne and braces in high school, the laid-back guy who knew how to talk to girls and not give a shit if they liked him or not.

  Where had that guy gone?

  “Hey, Jace. Where you at, man?” Ralphie’s call distracted me.

  The songbird flinched, then hid her jitters behind a smile. “Well…” She swallowed. “I should get back to work.”

  It was only then that I noticed her crisp white shirt and black dress pants—the standard uniform of waiting staff at a wedding.

  “Oh, yeah, of course.”

  She seemed keen to disappear before Ralphie found me, so I reluctantly stepped aside, then licked my lips and blurted, “Don’t suppose I could have your name before you leave me.”

  She jolted to a stop, looking sad for a second before whispering, “Jenna.”

  “Jenna.” I breathed the word like it tasted sweet, then watched her walk away. The slight sway of her hips was mesmerizing, and I swear she took a small slice of my heart with her.

  It was an overly romantic notion, but I didn’t care.

  Jenna looked beautiful, sounded beautiful, and I bet she had a beautiful heart to go with it.

  That’s the kind of girl I wanted.

  “There you are.” Ralphie slapped me on the shoulder. “Come on, man. We’re starting up the next set.”

  “Cool.” I forced a smile and sauntered after him, looking over my shoulder as I went.

  Gavin caught my eye and wiggled his eyebrows, his lips remaining deadpan like always.

  “Shut up,” I murmured so only he could hear, but then couldn’t help a short self-deprecating laugh.

  He probably watched the whole thing play out from the shadows.

  Running a hand through my hair, I wondered how much of an idiot I’d been in front of that stunning woman.

  Walking into the reception room, I eased around the side and stepped up onto the stage as Troy was wrapping up his beautiful speech to Cassie. She had tears in her eyes as the crowd applauded.

  I nestled onto my stool and scanned the crowd, spotting Jenna the second she walked into the room.

  Maybe she could feel my eyes on her, I wasn’t sure, but she spun and found me, her lips twitching before she turned away and started clearing dessert plates.

  Her little lip twitch inspired me. My chest inflated with a new kind of breath, my spirits lifting as I swore to myself that at the end of the night, I’d find her in the kitchens and get her number.

  3

  Jenna

  I slipped out of the wedding before final pack-up was complete.

  As soon as all the tables were cleared, Gabby sent four of us home, obviously not wanting to pay us for an extra hour when a skeletal staff would do.

  I wasn’t bothered.

  Exhaustion was tugging at me, begging me to go home and sleep. Plus I kind of wanted to get away before Jace Tolson found me.

  After our little moonlit conversation, he hadn’t been able to take his eyes off me. I could feel his gaze reach me from all sides of the room. It only grew worse when the bride and groom left and the house lights came up to full. I cleared tables while he packed away his drum kit, and we got trapped in this eye-flirting game that unnerved me.

  I didn’t want to smile or encourage him, but my lips had other ideas.

  He was so freaking gorgeous.

  And I couldn’t go there.

  The gravel crunched beneath my black sneakers as I walked to the car. The darkness which had felt so safe before suddenly pulsed with a sinister vibe that made me hustle. I unlocked the car with trembling hands and shut myself inside. Memories taunted me and I was suddenly seized by the sound of screeching tires, and that weightless numb sensation that swamped me just before the car smashed and rolled down the slope. I forced air through my nose, dodging the panic-laced moment that brought on another one of life’s big changes.

  “Just drive, girl. Drive home.” My whisper was shaky as I started the ignition and slowly made my way back to the studio apartment I rented in Azusa. It was the tiniest place I’d ever lived in but it was all I could afford. When I was doing my search, knowing nothing of Los Angeles, I kind of just looked for apartments under my max threshold and went for the first one that felt right.

  I was a scared, know-nothing newbie, so I took a place that felt safe and had two bolts on the door.

  It’d become home and the longer I lived there, the better I felt about it.

  The rent was stretching me. I had two steady waitressing jobs, plus took on extra weekend work like the wedding I’d just done. It was keeping me busy and bringing in enough to live off.

  I’d take it. I’d take anything compared to what I’d had.

  Rubbing my tired eyes, I pumped up the volume on the music in the hopes it would keep me awake.

  Andy Grammer’s voice filled the car and I sang along to “Honey, I’m Good,” tapping my hand against the steering wheel and trying to dodge thoughts of a sexy drummer with his gorgeous eyes and shoulder-length hair.

  Damn, he really was hot.

  I shook my head and sang a little louder.

  I knew myself well enough to know that hot guys meant trouble. I’d fallen straight into that trap with Seth. I’d never forget the first time I met him. He was candy on a stick—tall, muscular. The most handsome guy I’d ever met. His dark eyes smiled at me, glinting when he caught my eye. He licked his lips and sauntered over, looking cool and out of my league.

  But he stopped to talk.

  He brushed his knuckles softly over the back of my hand when I smiled.

  He laughed at my lame jokes.

  Dancing led to kissing.

  He was everything I needed.

  Until he became my worst nightmare.

  I didn’t see it coming.

  Or maybe I did, and I was just too scared of being alone to get out when I could.

  My jaw locked tight as memories pounded me, dark and metallic.

  I sped through the intersection and tried to get home as fast as I could.

  “He can’t get you here,” I mumbled to myself. “He doesn’t even know where you are. You’re safe.” I sucked in a breath. “You’re safe here, Jenna.”

  I didn’t know when the whole talking to myself thing actually started, but I did a lot of it these days. I needed it to keep me sane.

  Licking my lips, I pulled onto my street grateful that home was just a few minutes away.

  I’d lock my door, jump into a hot shower, and then snuggle up in bed with my book. I didn’t have work the next day, so I could even sleep in.

  I parked the car and ran up the stairs, nearly making it inside, but…

  “Hey, Jenna.”

  Pausing outside my door, I spun back and smiled at my twenty-four-year-old neighbor, Dorothy. “Hey, girl. You’re up late.”

  “I know.” She grinned. “But Phillip and I were just finishing a movie.” She pointed over her shoulder at the door. “Do you want to come in for a drink?”

  “Nah, I need bed. Shower, then bed.”

  She smiled at me like a mother hen and my heart squeezed in my chest.

  I want my mom back.

  “You do look tired. I hope you sleep okay.”

  “Thanks.” I turned to unlock the door.

  “But you had a good night, though? Were guests polite this time?”

  I chuckled and pushed my door open. “Yes, the guests were lovely. The bride was beautiful.”

  “And how was the band?”

  My jaw work
ed to the side as I tried to figure out how to answer that question. If Dorothy knew it was Chaos, she’d flip out and then I’d have to go into detail, and I’d never get to bed.

  “They were just okay.” I shrugged, hoping she wouldn’t notice my lie.

  I didn’t want her finding out about my little chat with drummer boy, Jace. I didn’t want anyone to know…because I was never getting into a relationship again. All those years of pining for a boyfriend and wanting a guy to look after me.

  I’d learned my lesson.

  The best way to live was alone.

  It was safe…and all I really deserved, anyway.

  4

  Jace

  I adjusted my cap and hunched my shoulders, leaning my elbows on the table while Dad chatted about Mom’s latest project. She was raising money for a village school in Mexico, trying to drum up support so she could do a mission trip with supplies for the kids.

  Dad was so proud of her. He sat across from me at the small cafe table, his wheelchair sticking out. He didn’t seem bothered by it and always acted oblivious to every second glance he scored from people on the street. His stumps were tucked beneath the table, so the stares weren’t as bad as normal. Having lost his legs in a fire several years back, he’d adjusted to life in a wheelchair. Adjusted, and as time went on, embraced it. To be honest, I hadn’t seen him so happy in a long time.

  I pushed the dark shades up my nose and forced a smile. It was good to see him again. Life with Chaos had kind of taken over since our first international tour and it was getting harder and harder to be normal.

  A couple holding hands slowed down as they passed us. She whispered something in his ear and he glanced my way. I turned my head before they found the courage to ask for my autograph or a selfie with me. I was not in the mood.

  Since Cassie and Troy’s wedding, I’d been thrown into a slump.

  I never caught up with that songbird, Jenna. She’d left the function before I could get her number, and the chances of ever seeing her again were zero.

  It was hard to hold in my sigh as Dad wrapped up his story and Gavin stepped a little closer to the table as the couple pulled out their phones. I gritted my teeth and glanced up, giving them a very small wave as they snapped my pic, giggled a thank you, and stepped away from Big Gav. He mumbled something about it being time to move on and they scuttled away.

  “You seem a little bleak today, son. Something bothering you?”

  I went to shake my head, but knew it was a wasted gesture. Dad always got to the bottom of my troubles, whether I wanted him to or not.

  “I’m just…” I shrugged. “Tired I guess.”

  “Fame getting a little too much, huh?”

  I sighed and scratched my shoulder, leaning back in my chair and trying to figure out what the truth even was.

  Was it the fame?

  Or the fact that I’d missed that girl?

  I thought we’d had a connection, but she’d just taken off. I’d walked into the kitchen, trying to be confident, expecting her to be hovering around waiting for me.

  But no such luck.

  “I don’t know, Dad.” I tapped my long fingers against the edge of my empty plate. “I guess I’d like to just be a normal nobody sometimes. But then the thought of not being part of Chaos anymore kind of kills me. They’ve become my second family. I love drumming. It’s a good life. Without all the fame, it’d be freaking fantastic.”

  Dad chuckled. “Without the fame, you wouldn’t have the life.”

  “I know,” I muttered. “Makes it impossible to meet girls, though.”

  The words just popped out and I stilled, waiting for Dad’s reaction.

  He stared at me for a second, then threw his head back and let out a bellowing laugh. I cringed, expecting everyone within a ten-block radius to stop in their tracks and wonder where the thunder was coming from.

  Slapping the table, Dad kept chortling as he spoke. “You find it hard to meet girls? Aren’t they swarming you any chance they can get?”

  “Let me rephrase.” I gave him a pointed look. “It makes it impossible to meet the right girl.”

  Dad’s laughter disappeared as he took in my tone and pained smile.

  I let out another sigh and just went for it. “I met a girl at the wedding. She was beautiful, had the voice of an angel, the sweetest smile in the world.”

  “And?”

  “I tried to find her after the reception, to get her digits, but she’d left.”

  “You probably shouldn’t take that personally.”

  “How can I not? I thought we had a connection and she obviously didn’t feel the same way. I bet it was my name that put her off. Seriously, what girl in her right mind would want to date a rock star?”

  “Plenty.”

  “No, Dad, I mean the girls that are genuine. That want to be with me, Jace Tolson, not the drummer of Chaos.”

  Dad’s smile was sympathetic. “I wish I knew the right thing to say to make you feel better.”

  I shook my head and looked away from him, my eyes catching a beautiful African-American girl across the street. She was walking with her arms folded and her head down. Her black spiral curls nestled around her shoulders, and…

  I jolted forward as my heart did this weird kind of hiccup.

  “What is it?” Dad glanced over his shoulder.

  “Her.”

  “Huh?”

  “It’s her,” I whispered.

  “The girl from the wedding?”

  “Yeah.” I nodded.

  Dad gripped the arms of his wheelchair and swiveled around to get a better look.

  “The one across the street, with the red bag,” I murmured.

  Turning back with an impressed grin, Dad wiggled his eyebrows and said, “So why the hell are you still sitting here?”

  “I…”

  “Get your butt up and go talk to her.”

  I winced, but stood. Gavin stepped up to follow me, but I shook my head. “Stay with Dad, please.”

  “Can’t do that, man.”

  I groaned and muttered, “Whatever,” before checking traffic and running across the street.

  5

  Jenna

  “Jenna!”

  I heard someone calling out behind me and rather than spinning like a normal person, I ended up jumping like an idiot and picking up my pace.

  “Jenna! Wait up!”

  It took me a second to tell my brain that normal people stopped, turned, and acknowledged if someone was shouting their name.

  “Jenna,” I mumbled to myself, then forced my body to pivot.

  What I saw when I turned was the last thing I expected. Jace Tolson was running down the street followed by a big guy in a suit.

  Even with his cap and shades on, I could tell it was the sexy drummer from Chaos.

  I fought the urge to run and gripped the strap of my red bag instead.

  “Hey.” He puffed to a stop in front of me. “Thought you weren’t going to stop for a second.” He grinned.

  I gave him a tight smile, then eyed the huge guy behind him. He looked kind of scary.

  “Oh, that’s uh, Gavin. Big Gav.” Jace pointed his thumb at him. “Bodyguard. Had a little stalker trouble last year.”

  My eyebrows rose, stopping me from acknowledging Gavin.

  Stalker trouble? I was an idiot not to get out of there ASAP. But then Jace took off his shades and I got a glimpse of those eyes again.

  They held me still, gluing my Converse to the concrete.

  My brain was warning me to get moving, but my chest heaved and all I could do was dig my nails into the palm of my hand.

  Jace’s smile was slow as he studied me. I wondered what my face was doing and pressed my lips together.

  “So, I didn’t get your number the other night.” His voice was soft and husky…inviting.

  I swallowed and looked to the ground. “That’s because I didn’t give it to you.”

  “Huh.” His jaw worked to the side an
d I had to suppress a smile at the cute little frown wrinkling his forehead. “You didn’t feel like we had a connection at the wedding?”

  Yes!

  What? No!

  I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my confused brain into submission and quickly blurting, “A connection? All we did was talk for like a minute and then smile at each other for the rest of the evening.”

  Jace grinned. “Yeah, but it was really great smiling.”

  His sweet joke made me laugh. I bit my lower lip to stop the sound then cleared my throat.

  Pull it together and get rid of this guy!

  “You know, I was in a good mood that night.” I scratched the side of my nose and looked away from him. “Usually I’m a grumpy bitch. You don’t want to risk it.”

  He studied my face while another one of those languid smiles pushed the left side of his face up. “I’m pretty sure I do.”

  How the hell did I resist that?

  Don’t be a fool! Love is too dangerous. Start walking!

  “I just want to get to know you better.” Jace’s shoulder hitched, his expression so kind and undemanding.

  “Why?” I squeaked.

  He chuckled. “I don’t know. I’m hoping to figure that out along the way.”

  Damn. He was charming.

  I pursed my lips and shook my head.

  His eyes narrowed, but not in an angry kind of way, more like mild amusement. “You’re gonna make it really hard on me, aren’t you?”

  My lips twitched in response, but I managed to hold back my grin.

  “Come on, don’t you believe in love at—”

  “If you say first sight, I am running down this street.” I managed to interrupt him with more force than I knew I had.

  I wasn’t falling for that line again.

  He was obviously surprised by my venom. He tried to hide it behind a laugh, but I upped the ante, my last desperate bid to put him off.

  “Now, lust at first sight? That I believe.”

  His nose wrinkled like he was unimpressed.

  I frowned and tipped my head to study him. “Interesting.”