Hole Hearted (A Songbird Novel) Read online

  HOLE HEARTED

  A Songbird Novel

  Melissa Pearl

  © Copyright 2016 Melissa Pearl

  http://www.melissapearlauthor.com

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  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, places, businesses, characters and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, actual events or locales is purely coincidental.

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  Cover art (copyright) by Mae I Design. All rights reserved.

  http://www.maeidesign.com/

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  License Notes

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy.

  Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  Blurb & Dedication

  Soundtrack

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Epilogue

  Note From The Author

  Acknowledgements

  Other Books by Melissa Pearl

  About Melissa Pearl

  Connect with Melissa Pearl

  HOLE HEARTED

  Cassie Grayson doesn’t know how to be a mom. She’s twenty-two and hardly in a position to care for a kid. But when her twelve-year-old nephew is dumped in her lap, she does the only thing she can: she takes him in.

  Neither of them has it easy as they try to navigate this unknown path. Cassie must deal with her feelings toward her estranged sister and her own rocky childhood growing up in the foster care system. Felix is still reeling from being uprooted from the only life he’s ever known, and he doesn’t connect with his weird, emotionless aunt. The only person who seems to breach the gap between them is Troy Baker, the counselor assigned to Felix.

  To Troy, Felix and Cassie should be just another case, but they’re not. Something about the hopeless duo captures his heart, and in spite of his hesitation he finds himself falling for both of them. Felix’s quiet strength is endearing, but it’s Cassie’s determination to not let her nephew down that chips away at his own walls, daring him to more than just help her…but maybe fall in love as well.

  Can three strangers from completely different worlds create an unlikely family? Or are the hidden holes in their hearts too big to heal?

  For every artist on this playlist

  Every song on this playlist stirs a memory. Thank you for giving me so many good times, emotional moments, and songs I could sing at the top of my lungs.

  Note

  In previous Songbird Novels, I have placed the playlist here, but one reader suggested that the list can give too much away. So, if you don’t want to see the song list before reading the book, you can skip straight to Chapter One from here. If you’d like to see the Hole Hearted song list, keep reading…

  HOLE HEARTED SOUNDTRACK

  (Please note: The songs listed below are not always the original versions, but the ones I chose to listen to while constructing this book. The songs are listed in the order they appear.)

  MY FAVORITE WASTE OF TIME

  Performed by Owen Paul

  DON’T LEAVE HOME

  Performed by Dido

  THE LUCKY ONES

  Performed by Brothers3

  IF THAT WERE ME

  Performed by Melanie C

  SEMI-CHARMED LIFE

  Performed by Third Eye Blind

  YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME

  Performed by Bon Jovi

  BORN TO BE MY BABY

  Performed by Bon Jovi

  WIND OF CHANGE

  Performed by Scorpion

  IRONIC

  Performed by Alanis Morissette

  YOU MAKE MY DREAMS

  Performed by Daryl Hall and John Oates

  SUPERSTITIOUS

  Performed by Europe

  RUNAWAY TRAIN

  Performed by Soul Asylum

  ANIMAL

  Performed by Def Leppard

  CAN’T STOP

  Performed by Red Hot Chili Peppers

  PLAY WITH ME

  Performed by Extreme

  LIVIN’ ON A PRAYER

  Performed by Bon Jovi

  LET THE SUNSHINE IN

  Performed by Army of Lovers

  NOTHIN’ BUT A GOOD TIME

  Performed by Poison

  HEAVEN

  Performed by Warrant

  I’LL BE THERE FOR YOU

  Performed by Bon Jovi

  CAN’T FIGHT THIS FEELING

  Performed by REO Speedwagon

  HEY LEONARDO

  Performed by Done Again

  BLACK BETTY

  Performed by Ram Jam

  RIGHT THROUGH YOU

  Performed by Alanis Morissette

  WHEN LOVE AND HATE COLLIDE

  Performed by Def Leppard

  WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH

  Performed by Billy Ocean

  WHEN I LOOK INTO YOUR EYES

  Performed by Firehouse

  BLACK ROSES RED

  Performed by Alana Grace

  HEAD OVER FEET

  Performed by Alanis Morissette

  HOLE HEARTED

  Performed by Extreme

  To enhance your reading experience, you can listen along to the playlist for HOLE HEARTED on Spotify.

  “Music acts like a magic key, to which the most tightly closed hearts open.”

  Maria von Trapp

  Chapter One

  Cassie

  Pushing the book cart down the narrow aisle, I stopped by the R section and scanned for RIO. I slid The Lightning Thief back into place and ran my fingers down the spine. Rick Riordan was a genius. His Percy Jackson series was my favorite. I loved getting lost in his different worlds—demigods, heroes, battles where the evil beasts were defeated.

  Taking Holes by Louis Sachar, I housed it on the next shelf down and frowned when I noticed a few books out of order. It took two minutes to rearrange the mess before I continued shelving the remaining young adult fiction books. A few paces along, I stopped to straighten four spines out of alignment and then nodded, satisfied that
everything looked neat and perfect.

  Aubrey always teased me for being too fastidious. “You take twice as long to shelve as anyone else in this library.”

  I didn’t care. I liked a job well done. Neat and tidy made me feel better.

  With a satisfied grin, I pushed the cart out of the “For Teens” section and over to the adult romances. I was too busy reliving the wall of water scene from The Lightning Thief that I didn’t even hear the moaning couple until I turned the corner and noticed them up against the wall.

  I jerked to a stop, a tendon in my neck straining. I couldn’t move for a moment. I was stunned still by the audacity of these lovebirds. They looked like college students. Well, she did anyway. I couldn’t see his face. It was buried between her breasts while she fisted his hair and bit her lower lip. His hand was gripping her butt while he gyrated against her. Were they actually having sex…in the Pasadena Public Library?

  I gripped the cart handle so hard my short nails dug into my palms.

  What did I do?

  My throat was thick and gummy as I continued to stare at them. Why was I staring at them? I will never know. Actually, it was probably out of some deep-seated longing I didn’t understand at the time.

  The woman’s mewling morphed into a different kind of whimper that haunted me. My back snapped straight, the dark memories disintegrating any kind of yearning.

  I cleared my throat and the couple jolted. He whipped around to give me a coy smile, but I was too distracted by the tent in his pants to notice. His erection strained against his faded blue jeans, sending a hot fire crawling over my skin. I glanced away and stared at the books in front of me while she giggled.

  I sensed her pulling down her skirt and rearranging her top while he tried to hide his tight-pant situation with his bag.

  “Sorry about that,” he murmured as they brushed past me.

  I gave him a jerky nod, then held the cart like the world’s most insipid statue until their titters faded out the door.

  My hands were shaking, darkness swamping me as I pushed the cart forward. Pitiful whimpers taunted as I tried to dodge memories I hadn’t unearthed in months…years, even.

  The book slipped from my hand and smacked onto the floor. I bent down to collect it, brushing my hand over the cover. A strong man with bulging muscles was holding a woman against him. She was looking up at his face like he was everything, while he tenderly touched her lips like he wasn’t about to slap or punish her…like he’d protect her from any man who did.

  The book was probably filled with romantic dialogue and passages that made most women swoon and blush.

  “This is why I only read fantasy,” I muttered, standing tall and shoving the book back into place. I was quite happy to stick with my wizards and elves, a world where reality was so far-fetched I could dive into it and forget how brutal life could be.

  My hands didn’t stop shaking until I put the last book away. I hated that it took me so long to reclaim my composure and shove the past where it belonged—in a locked box in the farthest reaches of my mind. I was frustrated that simply spotting a heavy make-out session could bring it to the surface so easily. I’d gone such a long time without those memories touching me.

  I wouldn’t let him win like that.

  That was then.

  He couldn’t have my now.

  Smoothing back my hair to ensure it still sat secure in its ponytail, I raised my chin and headed to the front counter. I parked the cart where it belonged and moved behind the counter to check out some books for a waiting customer before disappearing into the break room.

  I poured myself a glass of water, gulped it down, and then put it in the dishwasher.

  “Hey, Cassie.”

  Aubrey’s chipper voice made me jump.

  “Oh, hi.” I spun around and forced a smile, gripping the counter behind me as she hummed while making a cup of coffee.

  “Greg just took a call informing us that this old guy has requested his entire library be donated here. It was in his will. Isn’t that cool?”

  “Yeah, wonderful. What kind of books?”

  “It sounds like a massive collection. Lots of variety. I can’t wait to go through it.”

  “Me too.” I was forcing it. My voice wasn’t usually so bright and bouncy. I clenched my teeth, hoping she wouldn’t notice.

  She didn’t. She was too busy stirring her coffee and rabbiting on about how cute Greg was.

  “Do you think I should ask him out?”

  I shrugged. I didn’t know!

  I’d forced myself to go on a date a few months back, because normal twenty-two-year-old girls went out with nice guys who asked them. It was a miracle in itself that someone even noticed me. He was a single parent, and I met him at a read-a-thon event the library ran as part of our summer program.

  The date was nothing but painful. I didn’t know what to say or do. The poor guy worked overtime trying to strike up interesting conversation, but we had nothing in common, and I wasn’t about to shell out details of my childhood. My life was hardly entertaining, so I pretty much gave him nothing. It was awkward. He dropped me home straight after the meal, didn’t even get out of the car to walk me to the door. There was no promise of a follow-up phone call, just a swift goodbye that suited us both.

  I swore I’d never do it again.

  As much as I wanted to be normal, like Aubrey, I couldn’t. I had my routine, my structured life, and my buried secrets. It kept me safe and that was pretty much all I wanted—control and security.

  My bubbly co-worker leaned against the counter and sipped her coffee. She had styled blonde curls and her makeup was subtle yet effective, highlighting all the right features to make her look beautiful. I brushed my cheek with the pads of my fingers, then turned it into a chin scratch when Aubrey glanced at me.

  I couldn’t imagine ever being as pretty as her. I didn’t really know how to wear makeup or style my hair. A neat ponytail suited me just fine.

  So why was I standing there feeling like the world’s ugliest duckling?

  The door swung open, making me jump. No one noticed. Aubrey’s eyes lit with a dreamy smile. “Hey, Greg.”

  “Hi.” He nodded at her but turned to me. “You do know your phone’s been ringing incessantly all afternoon, right?”

  “My phone?” I touched my chest. “But no one ever calls me.”

  “Well, they’re calling you today. Would you go and deal with it, please? Either take a minute to return the call or switch your phone off.”

  “Uh, sure.” I scampered out of the break room. My bag was stored under the front counter next to Aubrey’s bright purple handbag. I still had the black backpack I’d used for the last four years at community college. Wrestling it out, I unzipped the top pouch and pulled out my phone.

  Three missed calls.

  One voice message.

  I didn’t recognize the number.

  Chewing my bottom lip, I stared at the screen and wondered if I should return the call, but then the damn phone started ringing in my hand and I was forced to answer it.

  “Hello?” I stepped into the back workroom, checking that I was alone before closing the door behind me.

  “Hi, Cass.”

  I jolted, my heart nearly jumping out of my throat. I knew that voice. I hadn’t heard it in over a decade, but I knew it. Even though she’d only spoken two little words, I’d recognize my sister’s voice anywhere.

  I didn’t know how to respond.

  I’d settled with the idea that I’d never see her again.

  “Um…it’s Crystal.” She filled the silence. “I know this is really out of the blue, but I have to see you.”

  I opened my mouth but still couldn’t make a sound.

  “It’s important.”

  Licking my lower lip, I shrunk in on myself, backing up until I hit the solid, immovable wall. “Uh…”

  “Please.” Her desperate whisper cut right through me.

  Closing my eyes, I tried to war
d off memories of her beautiful face. She’d always been prettier than me, with big soulful eyes and a wide open smile. It was fake—too full, too sunny—but only I knew it. Because only I knew her.

  “I get it if you never want to see me again, but I wouldn’t call if I wasn’t desperate. Please, Cassie, I need to see you.”

  My lips quivered as I tried to rein in my emotions. I wanted to shout at her to never call me again, to hang up the phone, throw it on the floor and smash my heel through it.

  But I wouldn’t do that.

  I needed control, composure. Sniffing in a breath, I tried to unclench my teeth but wasn’t quite capable. Of all the days to call me. When I was already fighting the memories, she had to throw me into a pit of turmoil, make it a thousand times worse.

  But in spite of the earthquake in my chest, I still couldn’t say no to her. I never could. “Where are you?”

  “Hannah Home in Fox Hills.”

  “Hannah Home?” I frowned. “What’s that?”

  She paused with a beat long enough to instill a sick sense of dread.

  After a weak sigh, she finally murmured, “It’s a hospice.”

  I nearly dropped the phone. The pause, the way she said it…

  My sister didn’t work at Hannah Home. Crystal was dying.

  Her important message was obviously a goodbye.

  After all that time, she was finally going to say something she should have said years ago.

  Chapter Two

  Felix

  Mom’s hands shook as she placed the phone down beside her.

  “Hey, sweetie. How was school?” Her pale eyebrows rose, wrinkling her forehead. I couldn’t buy her smile—it was too wide and tense.