The Space Before (The Space Between Heartbeats #0.5) Read online

  I stumble around the back of the house and creep in through the kitchen door. I can hear voices in the living room; I can't make out what they're saying, though. I bet it's about me. I sent them a text around eleven telling them I was crashing at Toby's place. I doubt they bought that lie. The idea that it's probably been a very long night for them darts through my mind as I slink past the wooden barstools. I reach the stairs and sprint to the top, making a beeline for my bedroom. Maybe if I shower and put on some clean clothes, I can climb down the trellis and walk into the house acting as though my night with Toby was nothing more than innocent fun. Maybe I can convince them that I didn't wake up on Milo's dining room floor with a thumping headache and a pile of puke by my side.

  Toby hauled me out of the house before anyone else stirred. I have no idea where Travis and Luis ended up. There's not much I can remember about my night now. All I know is I want sleep and a swimming pool's worth of water to quench my thirst.

  I unzip my hoodie and dump it in the clothes hamper as I stagger past the bathroom. My bedroom door is in sight when I hear a sweet coo from the adjacent room. An instant smile spreads across my face as I push the door open and sneak inside.

  Mom set up the bassinet the day before my niece, Emma, was born, and now my little nephew, Tim, uses it. She knew her grandchildren would be spending some quality time at our place. I'd never admit it to anyone, but I actually love it when they stay.

  "Hey, little guy," I whisper into the white crib.

  Tim's mouth opens with a gummy smile that makes my heart squeeze. His cooing grows louder as he waves his arms and kicks his little legs in excitement.

  "You excited to see your Unky Dee?" I reach down and gather him up, making sure I carefully hold his head the way Raelyn showed me. "I bet you are. How you doin'? You been keeping Mommy up at night? You have, haven't you?"

  He does a little baby noise that's more of a gurgle than a giggle, but I'm taking it. He is all kinds of cuteness...just like his big sister.

  I kiss his nose and blow a raspberry into his neck. More giggles ensue, and I do it again.

  "You obviously don't treasure his sleep times as much as I do," Rae’s soft reprimand is said with a smile.

  "Hey, sis." I rub my nose across Tim's cheek and nestle the baby against me. "I was just saying hi."

  Rae grins as she walks towards us. "He loves you so much. It warms my heart to see you two together."

  "Where's Emma?"

  "On her grandpa's knee, reading Green Eggs and Ham with Mr. Tiddles. Where else would she be?" Rae raises her eyebrow and I grin, picturing my dad holding his precious granddaughter while she clings to her raggedy teddy bear. No doubt her thumb is in her mouth as her wide eyes soak in the over-read pages of Dr. Seuss.

  My parents are so in love with their grandchildren.

  "I didn't know you and Julz were down this weekend." I direct my smile back to Tim, tickling his chubby little foot with my forefinger.

  Rae smiles at his cute giggle. "Yeah, Julz has to meet with a new client on Monday, so we thought we'd come down a little early and hang out. I was hoping to see you last night, but..."

  I dodge any kind of explanation for my absence by focusing on Tim, bouncing him a little when he starts to fuss.

  Rae goes to reach for him, but I swing the other way. "Just one more minute, then you can put him to bed."

  Crossing her arms, Rae gives me a pointed look, but gives in anyway.

  "So, where have you been all night?"

  I'm sure Tim senses my instant tension, because he lets out a squawk. I put him on my shoulder and rub his back. Slowly turning back to my sister, I continue work on my nonchalant shrug. "I stayed over at Toby's."

  Rae’s pretty face bunches with a disgusted frown.

  "He's not that bad."

  "He's not great, Dale." Her words are clipped. She lets out a sigh and purses her lips. "I think…I think he's bad for you."

  Here we go again. I send her an evil glare, but it doesn't deter her stern expression. My gaze fumbles to the floor as I wait out another lecture. Having an older sister is awesome, but when she's twelve years older and very good at playing the role of mother, it can seriously suck.

  Mercifully, she makes do with a heavy sigh and distracts herself with Tim instead. She steps towards me, making funny noises at her baby boy behind my back.

  I enjoy the sound of Rae and Tim's giggles, relieved she chose to drop the whole Toby thing. But then I hear a loud sniff and I know it's all over. I wince.

  "Dale." Rae sniffs again. "What...have you been drinking?"

  She grabs my arm and spins me around. Her face is livid as she snatches her baby back.

  "You reek of alcohol."

  "How would you know? Like we've ever had any in this house." My light joke is met with a steely glare.

  I force a chuckle, trying to cling to the beauty that was happening only seconds before. "Come on, Rae, so I had a couple of beers."

  "You're underage!"

  "So?” I scratch the back of my curls while digging the toe of my Converse into the faded blue carpet. “Everybody does it."

  "No, Dale, they don't."

  I roll my eyes. "Okay, just because you were a golden child doesn't mean I have to be. If anything, I merely balance the family dynamic."

  "Don't make this a joke. You're breaking Mom's heart. Not to mention Dad’s."

  My mood turns instantly black. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I step away from my sister with a sharp frown.

  "Why are you doing this?" she whispers.

  Tim starts to cry. My sister pops her squirming baby onto her shoulder and pats his back, saying shhh as if it's second nature.

  "I'm not like you, Rae. I can't just go along with all these stupid rules. It's too much. I feel like I can't breathe."

  "The rules are there to protect you." Her big, brown eyes scour my face, no doubt looking for some sign of remorse.

  I roll my eyes. Why does she always have to parrot Dad’s words verbatim?

  Shaking my head, I turn for the door. "I knew you wouldn't get it, either."

  "Well, maybe if you explained it to me, I would."

  I sigh. "Forget it. It's not going to change anything."

  "Whatever, Dale." Rae's voice is soft. "But if you want to hold my babies again, something has to change. They're too precious and innocent to be touched by some party animal with a hangover."

  The words slice shards out of my composure. I leave before she can see how much they hurt me. Rage quickly bubbles as I head to my room, but I manage to control myself enough not to slam the door. Stripping off my shirt and jeans, I try to revel in the night before. I was king. I had it made. As my face crashes onto my pillow, I realize with a touch of regret that I actually can't remember much from my night. The way my head is slamming indicates I must have had a good time; surely you don't get that drunk and end up miserable.

  A beer-coated chuckle wafts between my lips as the idea of a shower and a fresh-faced charade crumbles. No doubt after Rae settles Tim she'll be down in the living room, voicing all her concerns to Mom and Dad. The idea of my next conversation with them makes me want to throw up again, but I swallow back the bile and beg sleep to take me.

  Chapter Four

  It's been four weeks since my parents grounded me for coming home drunk. I played nice and decided to quietly see out the punishment. A huge part of me wanted to flip them off and walk out the door, but where would I go? I didn't want to crash at Toby's place. His room smells like stale salami and old cheese. I hate to think what's living under his bed. With the amount of crap in his room, I wouldn't be surprised if an alien life form was being spawned under there. I guess there are some downsides to having a mother who works all the time.

  I spent most of the grounding up in my room. I mumbled my way through meals, sat through repeated lectures and didn't waste any time trying to say my piece...until last week when they told me that once my grounding ended, I was not to see Toby again.


  Yeah, like that's gonna happen!

  Milo called Toby this morning. He said a friend of his was having a party, and Toby had to bring the guy with the short curly hair. Meaning me.

  So against my parents’ rules, as usual, I head to the party. I left my parents a note telling them I was going to the movies. Best excuse in the world not to have my cellphone on. I just need to make sure I get home on time, not smelling like beer or smoke. Hopefully, I can pull it off.

  I step out of the car and smile at Toby as the loud music hits us from down the street.

  Having been specifically invited, I approach the house with confident strides. Damn, it feels good to be free again.

  Toby passes me a beer about five minutes after I walk through the door, and I have a sweet moment of déjà vu. The feeling only increases when I see that dark-haired beauty from a month ago sway past me again. I shift my body, making sure my bump is no accident this time. I don't know what possesses me to do it.

  To my triumph, she once again stops and looks at me, her dark eyes alight with pleasure. Spinning on her heel, she steps back towards me and lays her hand on my chest. Her dark red fingernails shine as she presses them into my dark green Vans T-shirt and backs me against the nearest wall.

  "What's your name?"

  I can't take my eyes off her glossy pink lips.

  "Dale Finnigan." Giving her my full name? Seriously? I'm such a dork!

  She bites the corner of her lip, holding back a grin. Obviously, she finds my flustered stupidity charming.

  "I'm Carly. Mind if I call you Finn?"

  "Sure." I swallow, still unable to tear my eyes away from those lips. It doesn't help that her luscious tongue is now easing its way over the top one.

  "You want to kiss me, don't you?" She smiles, her dark gaze sparking with desire.

  Words fail me. All I can do is give her a shaky nod.

  Her smile is so broad it stretches across her entire face. Her white teeth are perfectly straight. She must have had braces once. Why I think that in this moment, I'm not sure, but her mouth is mesmerizing.

  "Why?" she asks.

  I swallow. "Because you—you—you're beautiful."

  She bites her lower lip and grins. Her hands slide behind my neck as she presses her body against me. My free hand automatically circles her waist, and I suddenly wish I wasn't holding a beer. The desire to explore every one of her curves is overwhelming. Her breasts press against my shirt as her mouth reaches for mine.

  I feel like a fool. I've only kissed about three girls in my life, and it was always stolen moments at school, so hardly a chance to get things started. I hadn't really entertained the thought of having sex yet. I mean, sure, I was a guy; I thought about it...a lot, but I'd never had the chance to act on it. Not until this moment when I had a sexy thing shoving her tongue into my mouth. I cup the back of her head, running my fingers into her thick, glossy locks as she deepens the kiss.

  The people around us start to whoop and cheer. I lose my concentration, and Carly pulls away. She's obviously reveling in the attention. I give her a soft smile and something in her expression changes. Her eyes were gleaming before, but now it's like they've burst into flames. I can feel her desire reaching for me, and I can't quite believe it.

  Running her fingers down my arm, she takes my hand and whispers, "Come with me."

  Toby grabs the beer from my hand with a wink. Carly pulls me through the crowd, and I get a few slaps on the back as I make my way. Everyone knows where we're going. Everyone knows what we'll be up to.

  I can't help wondering if I'm ready for this.

  But before my mind can process another thought, I'm standing in the center of what looks like a guest room. Everything is plain and neat, from the beige carpet to the glossy white dresser to the simple white cover stretched across the double bed. Carly leans against the door, closing it with her butt.

  "How old are you, Finn?"

  "Seventeen." The lie comes so fast it takes me by surprise, but I manage to hide it. I think.

  Her lips jump into a grin, and she locks the door.

  I force my hands not to fidget as she slowly approaches me, but then she starts unbuttoning her shirt, and I have to at least scratch the curls at the nape of my neck. This is intense.

  Her red, cotton blouse slips to the floor. I watch the fabric fall then glance up to be greeted by two very pert breasts in a lacy, black bra. Damn. That is hot.

  I swallow, desperately hoping I don't look as nervous as I feel.

  Carly pushes me back with a sure hand. The back of my legs hit the bed, and I tumble onto it. Unzipping her skin-tight jeans, she wriggles out of them before straddling me. My body is going crazy as she presses herself against me. I will myself to calm down, fearing total humiliation before things even get started. Surely things won't go all the way, will they? She can obviously sense my tension, and I think she likes it. Her eyes glimmer as she tries to bite back a grin. "You know, Finn, I liked you from the second I saw you. I've been searching every party for weeks, hoping you'd return. And here you are."

  I clear my throat, making her giggle.

  "There's just something about that fresh face of yours; I can't resist." She runs a finger down my cheek and over my bottom lip then glides her tongue over it.

  My heart is hammering hard and fast. I try to control my breathing as she reaches behind her back and unclasps her bra. It dangles from her index finger for a moment before dropping to the floor.

  I can't breathe. I have never seen naked breasts before. I want to touch them, squeeze them. My body is screaming to discover everything I know I shouldn't. I don't even know this girl.

  But then she picks up my hands and presses them against her soft skin, and all the lessons my parents taught me about waiting for the right one fly from my brain.

  "Did you like me, the first time you saw me?" Carly's words come out breathy.

  "Yes," I whisper. She wriggles back on my lap, pulling me up by my shirt. I run my hands around her back and glide my fingertips down her smooth flesh. Our lips meet, and the heat in the room intensifies. I feel like I'm in a furnace.

  She lets out a soft moan and giggles as she pulls off my shirt. I watch her eyes as she examines me, grateful that although I'm not the biggest guy in my school, I still have defined muscles. Her lips quirk with approval and she runs her finger down my chest, tracing over my abs. She comes to a stop at the waistband of my jeans. I hold my breath as her glossy nail slides along my skin. She flicks the waistband of my underwear and then, with a grin, slowly unzips my fly.

  Chapter Five

  Still in a mild state of shock, I watch Carly re-clasp her bra. I just had sex. Man, I just had SEX! I reach for the pants puddled at my ankles and slide them up my legs, relieved Carly's not watching me. I am a mix between triumphant and humiliated right now.

  A hot-bodied girl like her chose me out of all the guys at this party. I wanted to make sure I'd satisfied her, but it was my first time. I'd hardly made it last. Scratching the back of my neck, I reach for my shirt and take my time putting it on.

  My body is still buzzing from the roller-coaster ride. The second my jeans were undone, she'd taken charge. Maybe if I'd been leading things, I wouldn't have let it go so far. Because we'd only just met, I was assuming we'd play around, most likely get to third, but to go all the way? I was not expecting that. When she reached for her jeans and pulled a condom from the back pocket, my vision blurred.

  All I could hope was that I hadn't totally humiliated myself. The post-sex high I'd been expecting was not much of a high after all. I mean, yeah, it'd felt amazing, but also totally out of control. I couldn't help wondering what it'd be like to be with someone I loved and understood.

  I shake my head.

  What am I? A girl?

  I wince and turn back to watch Carly do up the last two buttons of her shirt.

  She grins at me, her smile sultry. "You know, Finn, I'm guessing that was your first time."

&nb
sp; With a blazing blush, I look to the floor.

  She giggles. "Don't worry. I enjoyed it, and I'm certain I'll enjoy the next time even more."

  My body spasms at the sound of her seductive voice.

  I swallow and nod, trying to go for cool and charming. "Practice makes perfect, right?"

  She chuckles. "See you next time, Finn." She wiggles her eyebrows and saunters out the door.

  I slump to the bed and place my hand over my heart. It’s still hammering. Glancing at my watch, I can't believe it's been less than fifteen minutes since she pulled me in here. Talk about a one-minute man.

  I cringe.

  I should go out and join the party. No doubt others will want to use this room soon. For some reason, that thought totally grosses me out.

  "You've just had sex, man. You're fifteen, and you're no longer a virgin. You should be stoked," I berate myself. "And she wants to do it again." A smile tugs at my lips. She wants to do it again. Maybe things would go better with each experience. People always rave about sex, and now I totally get why. Standing up, I pull my shirt straight and head for the door, telling myself that the next time will be more epic than this one.

  By the time I make it to Toby, I've convinced myself that screwing a girl I only just met was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

  "So, how was it?" Toby chuckles as he passes me a beer.

  "I don't know what you're talking about," I say with a grin.

  "Aw, come on, man. Don't hold out on me. She's all kinds of hot."

  "That she is." I take a swig from my bottle, trying to play it cool and not let the fact the whole party knew what I was up to bother me.

  "You know, Luis lost it to her a few weeks ago. He said she's a great teacher, or something like that."

  I nearly choke on my beer and have to press the back of my hand against my lips, so I don't spit it all over the floor.

  Toby thumps me on the back and laughs. "What, man? You should be proud."

  "Yeah." I nod. "Yeah, I am. She was great."