Rather Be (A Songbird Novel) Read online

  Charlie laughed and pointed at me. “You’re so cute.”

  “You’re so annoying.” I wiped my mouth with a paper napkin and was sure she was about to say, “Another one?”

  But she didn’t.

  Because “Have Fun Go Mad” started playing through the speakers, which rushed us both back to the homecoming dance of our junior year. The song was unknown to most, but we’d always been eclectic with our tastes and we discovered the song on a British pop playlist. Charlie fell in love with it and was determined to have it play at homecoming. She took the song on a flash drive and hounded the DJ until he capitulated and played it right near the end.

  She pointed at me, her lips rounding into a big O, her face lighting up like a Fourth of July fireworks display.

  “No way!” She jumped from her seat, her hips swaying in a sexy move that cut off my air supply for a second. “Do you remember this? Homecoming!”

  I nodded and averted my gaze, noticing the people at the table next to us giving Charlie an odd look.

  “Come on, sit down.” I nodded at the chair.

  “How? It’s ‘Have Fun Go Mad.’ This is epic! We gotta dance, man.” She started mouthing the words, her blue-tipped hair flying out as she spun and raised her arms.

  She was oblivious to the crowd of people around us, the curious glances, the laughter and pointing fingers.

  “Freaking shameless,” I muttered under my breath, but I couldn’t help but smile that she remembered all the words and was killing it in the small space.

  The chorus kicked in and she winked at the lady next to her. The older woman grinned and shook her head while Charlie danced around her and started wooing the crowd.

  By the time the second chorus kicked in, people around me were clapping in time, some were cheering, and others had started singing along.

  I got it—Charlie Watson was damn impossible to resist.

  She laughed and worked her way back to me. Her eyes were bright and alluring, and I knew I was toast before she’d even reached our table.

  When she held out her hand, I took it.

  When she pulled me to my feet, I stood.

  And when the words kicked in again, I mouthed them right along with her, transporting myself back to the high school gymnasium and those times in my life when all that mattered was squeezing every ounce of joy from the moment.

  Chapter Four

  Charlie

  Nixon smiled. He danced. He laughed.

  Mission completed.

  But then the song ended and his phone buzzed again. Within two seconds, everything I’d achieved was flushed down the toilet by one simple text.

  I have no idea what it said, but it made his lips press together and he gave me this sad smile before grabbing his bag.

  “I gotta go back down and check the whole flight status thing.”

  Then he just walked off without so much as a “See ya later.”

  Very rude.

  Very un-Nixon.

  I grabbed my stuff and raced after him.

  When I caught up, he kind of flinched and forced a tight smile.

  Shit. I wanted to turn back time.

  I never could, and hell, even if I were able to…would I choose to play it differently?

  I’d walked away because that was what he needed me to do.

  He may not have realized it at the time, but I’d been convinced.

  And look at him four years later, going off to law school and doing great…the way he deserved to be.

  But I couldn’t shake that horrible, ugly feeling in my chest. The one that reminded me of how much I’d lost…and how I’d probably hurt him.

  I wanted to make it up to him. Try to somehow amend the damage I’d done, so that even if we never saw each other again, his final memories of me would be good…happy.

  We got to the line, only to find it had grown.

  Nixon swore under his breath, scratching the back of his head and glancing down at his phone.

  I was tempted to look over his arm and see what he was typing, but I didn’t want to cross that line. It was no doubt his parents hassling him for not being where he should be, and that would only piss me off.

  Frickin’ control freaks!

  I clenched my jaw as a flash of hate fire burned through my chest. But then it was stolen by the logic that had driven me away in the first place. It reminded me that even though they pissed me off, they always had Nixon at the front of their minds. They wanted what was best for him.

  And I’d let them win because maybe they were right.

  My idea of happiness was different from theirs.

  Confusion made my face bunch as the war I’d been waging for years swelled up inside me again.

  “Shit.” Nixon breathed the word as he slid the phone into his pocket. “Come on, snow. Melt already.”

  I studied his expression and saw the telltale signs of pressure. I always hated that look on his face. It didn’t suit him, and it wasn’t half as beautiful as those carefree smiles.

  I wanted to help, make it all better for him. Touching his arm, I ignored the way he flinched and gave him a light squeeze before dropping my hand.

  “You need to get home, don’t you?”

  “Yeah.” He sighed. “But I’m stuck, and I can’t give her a definitive answer of when I’ll be back.”

  His mother had always been a stickler for timing. She worried too much.

  I tried to remind myself why she was inclined to act that way. After what happened to Reagan, she’d poured every ounce of her love and devotion into her husband and son. She’d never survive losing her golden boy.

  I worked my jaw to the side and thought about the woman with her dark brown hair, always styled in a sleek bob. Her manicured nails—always French, never color. Her brown eyes that used to study me like I was some kind of biohazard that would destroy her only child’s life. I was dangerous.

  Probably because I reminded her of Reagan.

  I was basically the only thing Nixon ever disobeyed them on. Not that they outright forbid him to see me. They wouldn’t want to get their precious son off-side.

  My mind flashed with a memory I hadn’t dredged up in years. Mr. Holloway’s steely voice, the determination on his face, the bright warning that told me I had no chance of getting what I wanted.

  I shuddered and shoved it back where it belonged—in the pile of I can’t spend any more time thinking about that!

  Whether I wanted to turn back time or not, I couldn’t.

  But I could do something about the present. I was standing next to the only person I’d ever considered a best friend. He was upset, and I wanted to take that pressure off his shoulders.

  My mind hummed with different ideas, things he could say to appease his mother, but I kept coming back to the first thought that popped into my mind…

  Road trip.

  Sounded crazy, but it had a lot going for it. One, it’d get Nixon on the move, heading home to LA just the way mother dearest wanted. Secondly, it’d give me a chance to spend a little more time with him…a chance to make up for what I’d done. A chance to leave behind a better memory.

  Nibbling my lip, I looked down at my purple boots while doubts tried to yank the idea from my mind.

  But…screw it.

  I wanted a freaking road trip with my best friend!

  Puffing out a breath, I glanced at Nixon and blurted, “You know you could always drive home.”

  He shot me an incredulous look. “Drive? That’ll take a week!”

  “Well, not if you drive really long days. I can be your buddy, and we could take turns. I’m confident we can punch it out in four days flat.”

  “By then I could have flown home.”

  “True.” I raised my finger. “But it’ll be way funner. Because road trips are always fun. And then you can tell—” I pointed at the phone. “—that you’re doing everything in your power to get home. That’ll work like a charm. You know it will.” I leaned into his side with my
best smile. “And come on, Nix. Do you seriously want to spend the next couple of days at the airport while you wait for the weather to clear?”

  I spread my arms wide and indicated the overloaded seats piled with luggage and grumpy travelers.

  His expression was droll and adorable. “You want to rent a car?”

  “That’s what I’m saying.” I nodded. “It’s got to be better than hard plastic chairs or a dirty airport floor.”

  His eyebrows dipped but he didn’t say anything, so I kept on with the sell.

  “Look, if your mom gets antsy about the new plan, we can drop off the car halfway home and fly from there. Seriously, it’s no big deal. Let’s just play it by ear.”

  “Play it by ear,” he muttered. “Yeah, that’s gonna fly.”

  “The point is no one is flying anywhere, so let’s drive, baby.” I wiggled my eyebrows and started chanting. “Road trip. Road trip.”

  Chapter Five

  Nixon

  She was chanting.

  And I was done for.

  It didn’t make sense to drive.

  It was crazy.

  Charlie thought I was texting my mom. I didn’t have the heart to tell her about Shayna yet. I mean, I would…if I agreed to her insane road trip idea.

  She did have a point about actually doing something rather than just sitting around.

  It’d be a hard sell to Shayna though. She’d be confused, maybe annoyed. But if I worded it right, I could probably win her over. She was a lot like my mom that way.

  Scratching the back of my neck, I glanced down at Charlie. The exact opposite of the girl I’d ended up with.

  Maybe hanging out with her for a few days would remind me why it was so good that I’d moved on, found someone trustworthy and safe. Sure, Shayna was a lot like my mother and yes, sometimes I glimpsed into my future and had a little freak-out. But Shayna wasn’t going to ditch me without a goodbye.

  And she wasn’t going to drag me on some crazy adventure only to leave me heartbroken.

  Yeah, spending a little time with Charlie would be good. It’d be a chance to remind myself of everything I had, and maybe help me find some closure.

  We’d have a couple of days to hang out and reminisce…and then I could let her go.

  I kind of needed that before I moved into the next phase of my life anyway.

  “So?” Charlie looked at me expectantly.

  I grimaced and pulled out my phone.

  Shayna had already replied to my last text.

  I know it’s not your fault. I’m just disappointed.

  I’ll look forward to seeing you when you get back. I’m sure I’ll have plenty of exciting things to share. Without you around, the girls and I can go a little cray-cray.

  The rest of the message was emojis—funny faces, love hearts. Then she sent a gif of three girls laughing together. I smiled at the screen. It was the perfect choice.

  Shayna and I lived with her two best friends—Mimi and Harper. It wasn’t all bad. They were nice girls, but sometimes the smell of perfume and nail polish, the giggles and the incessant girl-talk, got a little too much.

  Delaying my return by a few days would actually be kind of nice.

  The cheerful gif gave me hope that Shayna would be okay with the road trip. I’d just let her know after I was on my way.

  Pressing my lips together, I texted back.

  Thanks for understanding. I’m doing everything in my power to get home to you.

  I shoved in a love heart because I knew she liked it, then slid my phone away and did a slow circle. “Where are the rental counters? Will they even be open?”

  “Yes! That’s my boy!” Charlie pumped her fist and pointed to a sign on the wall. “There’s only one way to find out, my friend.” She jumped on my back before I could stop her.

  I laughed, loving how familiar it felt. How many memories rushed back.

  I’d piggybacked her through the school corridors. She’d sing and laugh in my ear, or tell me some funny story from the couple of classes we didn’t have together.

  She made high school excellent.

  She’d been my best friend.

  And there was something very liberating about hanging out with her again.

  I slid her off my back and softened the move with a grin. I’d have to keep reminding myself why I was agreeing to her impulsive road trip.

  It was for closure.

  So we could say the goodbye we should have said four years ago.

  Chapter Six

  Charlie

  I paced behind Nixon while he signed the rest of the paperwork so he could drive the car too. It was costing a freaking bomb with extra fees and insurance, but his credit card could handle it. He may have been twenty-two, but his overbearing parents still supplied all his needs.

  Shaking my head with a wry smile, I couldn’t deny a small burst of triumph. If only his dad knew that Nixon was racking up a hefty bill so he could spend some time with me.

  Essentially his father was funding a road trip that he would be against in so many ways.

  I wondered if time had managed to change his mind at all, if he was still anti-Charlie with the same vehemence he used to be.

  My forehead wrinkled. His son had become the man he’d wanted him to be. I’d helped make that happen, so it wasn’t like he could hold that against me.

  He’d still find something to hate. I rolled my eyes and tried not to think about it.

  Nixon’s dad wasn’t in New York, so he couldn’t go shitting all over our plans.

  A smile tugged at my lips when I glanced at the back of Nixon’s head.

  A road trip with Nix.

  It was like a dream come true. The chance I’d been waiting for.

  A chance I didn’t deserve, but still…I was taking it.

  All those years of pining and regret.

  I wanted to tell him the truth, give him a reason to forgive me. But I wouldn’t do that. The truth was too destructive. Four years ago, I left for a reason. And even though that reason hurt, I…

  With a shake of my head, I kept pacing.

  I didn’t want to taint the trip with serious conversations and ugly truths. I just wanted to live in the moment and have some fun.

  I’d make this the best frickin’ road trip Nixon had ever been on.

  We’d hang out, have a good time, walk down memory lane with a few laughs and tons of music. It was just what we needed, a way to set things right again.

  My phone started playing “Thunderbirds Are Go” by Busted. As usual I took my time answering it so I could enjoy the song first, and ended up singing the line about Tracy Island instead of saying “hello” when I lifted the phone to my ear.

  “Ugh, you seriously need to change your ringtone.”

  I grinned at the sound of my roommate’s voice. “Not a chance, Flissy. The Thunderbirds will forever be cool.”

  “You’re unbelievable.”

  “I think the word you’re looking for is adorable.”

  Fliss’s snort turned into a giggle. “I’m just calling to see if you’re okay. The news said flights out of JFK are not in the cards tonight.”

  “Yeah, I was gonna call. You don’t have to pick me up at an unreasonable hour of the morning anymore.”

  “And I love you for that.”

  “Why? Because it means you can spend the night with Flick?”

  “He’s actually right here, and now that I won’t be waking him with my alarm, I think he might just stay.”

  “As long as his naked ass doesn’t touch the couch again, I’m cool with that.”

  “You got home like three hours before you said you would.”

  I rolled my eyes as we replayed the same argument we’d been having for months. “Catching you guys is not even the point. His ass cheeks were on the couch where I sit to watch TV and do things that normal people do on a couch.”

  “Everybody has sex on a couch.” Fliss’s tone was dry and unshakeable.

  I frowne
d. “Not everybody.”

  She groaned. “How many times do we have to say sorry for this one?”

  “Until Flick buys us a new couch.”

  She snorted and relayed my message.

  “Not happening.” Flick’s shout was distant but made me smile.

  I loved the guy, and I was so happy he and Fliss had lasted as long as they had. The amount they bickered and “discussed” stuff was unreal, but they just kept coming back to each other.

  In the nearly three years they’d been dating, they’d broken up four times, but never for more than a month. They were currently on their longest stretch and things were going well enough that I couldn’t see a breakup anywhere in the near future.

  “Anyway,” I brought the conversation back on point, “I’ve decided to drive back.”

  Fliss sputtered on whatever she was drinking. “Drive back?”

  “Yeah, I um, found a driving buddy and we think we can make it back in like four days.”

  Fliss didn’t answer right away. Never a good sign.

  I forced a smile when Nixon caught my eye. He pointed to the men’s bathroom and I gave him a thumbs-up.

  “Driving buddy,” Fliss eventually muttered. “Please tell me this isn’t one of your spontaneous I’ve just made a new best friend moments, and tomorrow I’ll be reading about how the police found your body in a ditch outside of New York.”

  “Okay. You’re allowed to call me crazy, but not stupid. It’s an old buddy of mine from high school.”

  I could picture Fliss’s eyes narrowing. “Who?”

  “Um…” I scratched the side of my nose and looked down at my purple boots. “His name’s Nixon. You don’t know him.”

  “Nixon? As in the guy you never got over?”

  My eyes rounded. Shit. When had I even told her about that?

  “I… That… I’m over him. I’m not… We were never a couple.”

  “Yet you’ve always been in love with him. I’ve done enough shots with you to know that much.”