Geronimo (A Songbird Novel) Read online

  The band was performing an acoustic version of “The Edge of Glory.” It sounded great. I bobbed my head while the beat worked through me, and then I glanced at Jane.

  “Want to dance with me?”

  Jane’s head swiveled in my direction, her eyes wide at first, but then they narrowed and she nodded. “Sure.”

  I held out my hand, and she took it like it was the most natural thing in the world.

  Because it was.

  My heart double-thumped as I pulled her against me and we started to dance. Her hips swayed and we easily found a rhythm, getting lost in the music.

  Her face was bright when I twirled her beneath my arm before resting my hand on her lower back. She fitted perfectly in my arms. I liked the smell of her hair—a citrus scent, so fresh and alluring. Her thick locks tickled the side of my face, and I couldn’t help rubbing them between my fingers as she leaned against me.

  I closed my eyes, resting my cheek on her head and feeling like we’d been doing this for years.

  The song finished but we stayed where we were. Jane’s fingers squeezed my hand as the next song began. Being a huge Ed Sheeran fan, I recognized the “Kiss Me” cover immediately. Tammy and I used to lie in bed listening to his music all the time.

  The thought should have made me move away from Jane, but I couldn’t. We started swaying in time to the music, our feet barely moving as we basically just hugged on the dance floor. Running my arm up her back, I pressed her closer. She turned her head, resting it against my shoulder and brushing the tip of her nose across the racing pulse in my neck.

  She felt just right in my arms, like she’d been meant to be there all along.

  I didn’t understand it, but that wasn’t enough to stop me from dipping my head and caressing my lips across her smooth cheek. I pressed a kiss against her ear. Her head lifted off my shoulder, her fingers playing with the short curls at the nape of my neck. Her green eyes were so wide and open, searching my gaze in question.

  I answered before fear stopped me.

  Leaning forward, I pressed my mouth to hers, closing my eyes and relishing the softness of her lips. She pushed back, running her fingers into my hair and tipping her head. I took that as permission to deepen the kiss. Parting my lips, I brushed the tip of my tongue against her top lip—a quiet little knock for entry.

  She responded, her breath mingling with mine as she let me in.

  Her tongue was warm and tasted faintly of the peppermints she was always sucking between meals. I ran my tongue along it, savoring the flavor, the sensation, lost in the magic of kissing a girl I cared for.

  I hadn’t done that in a really long time, and I’d forgotten how much better it was.

  Until it ended.

  With a small gasp, Jane tore her mouth from mine. “No.” She shook her head and stumbled out of my embrace.

  Covering her mouth with quivering fingers, she looked at me with wide, glassy eyes before fleeing the dance floor.

  The couple next to me turned to give me a quizzical look but I ignored them, walking back to our table in a slight daze.

  Her eyes, the way they shone like that. It reminded me of Tammy, the last time I’d seen her. She’d been standing in our doorway, begging me…and I’d shrugged and told her she was asking too much.

  If only I’d said yes.

  I could have wiped that look off her face, made her happy.

  Instead I’d kissed goodbye the last chance I’d ever have with her.

  Scrubbing a hand over my face, I stopped at the table, staring out at the black mass of water. Thoughts of Tammy were pushed aside by Jane.

  I didn’t want to make the same mistakes I had in the past.

  I should have fought for Tammy. Tried a little harder. Was I honestly ready to pull another Harry, shy away from the difficult conversations so I didn’t have to feel anything more than lighthearted humor?

  Pinching my lower lip, I let out a sigh and headed left in search of Jane.

  Thankfully I found her easily. She was resting against the marble railing, in the next tier down. The wind was making tendrils of her hair dance across her face. She tucked them behind her ear, then slashed her finger under her eye.

  Sliding my hands into my pockets, I cleared my throat so she knew I was coming before I ambled over to her. Resting my legs against the railing, I stared across the houses and out to that inky black sea.

  “I’m sorry if I crossed a line.”

  “No, it’s okay. I…” She shook her head and sighed.

  Her lips bunched as she fought a fresh wave of emotion.

  I kept my voice soft and non-confronting. “Jane, I know we said no pasts, but do you mind my asking if you’re married, or getting over someone?”

  She let out a wispy, sad laugh, then sniffed. “No. I mean ye—I mean, I don’t…” She squeezed her eyes shut and huffed out the rest. “I was nearly married, but…” She shook her head. “You’re the first person I’ve kissed since him and I just…”

  Hearing those words out of her mouth was a comfort more than anything. I got it. I understood completely what she was going through. If she was anything like me, her insides were a mashed-up mess. He must have been someone pretty special, just like my Tammy.

  Jane’s quiet sniffles brought me back to her side. “You must think I’m pathetic.”

  I ran a hand up her back and then lightly patted her shoulder, not wanting the touch to be anything more than friendly. “Not at all. Again, I’m sorry for kissing you, but I just couldn’t resist. I’m blaming the dress, actually.”

  A smile tugged at her lips but it was wonky and weak. “I’m flattered.”

  “Please do be. The dress really is beautiful.” I winked so she knew I was actually talking about her.

  She of course got my double meaning, the way she so often did. Her cheeks fired red. Not even the fact we were standing in a pale beam of moonlight could hide the color of her skin.

  I laughed and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Don’t worry. This trip is not going to get awkward. We said no sex and I meant it.” I lifted my chin and squinted up at the sky. “Don’t even want to.” I stuck out my tongue and made a disgusted face, hoping for a laugh.

  I got one…and a slap on the arm.

  “Watch it.” She pointed at me, her eyebrow peaked.

  I grinned and spun to face her, resting my butt on the railing and enjoying the way the pale light made her green eyes glow. The tears had added to their vibrancy, making her more beautiful than I’d ever seen her. It was enough to steal a man’s breath.

  But I couldn’t let it, and so I tuned in to the music above, grateful the band had moved on to a more upbeat set.

  “Can’t Stop The Feeling” was playing and I pointed to the stairs. “Let’s get up there and dance like five-year-olds.”

  Jane’s nose wrinkled. “What?”

  “Yeah, let’s be crazy.” I took her hand and dragged her up the stairs. Stopping on the edge of the dance floor, I pointed to the middle and said, “I dare you to go right into the middle and dance like you’re a five-year-old.”

  “You are insane.”

  “I know.” I nodded. “Ready?”

  She let out a reluctant groan, then grimaced and squeaked, “One…”

  “Two…”

  “Geronimo!” We laughed the words together, then ran onto the dance floor and started flailing around like kids. I waved my arms in the air while she jumped on her feet and giggled, her body writhing around like a floppy rag doll.

  People stopped to watch us, no doubt assuming we were drunk, but we didn’t care. Our crazy joy was contagious. The dancers nearby started laughing with us, and a couple even joined in.

  Jane’s smile was like a spotlight—mesmerizing and making my heart do things it hadn’t done…maybe ever.

  Chapter Nine

  Jane

  Two weeks.

  I couldn’t believe it had come to an end so quickly.

  I’d laughed more in that sh
ort time than I had in an entire year. Harry’s humor, his funny little quips, made the trip so easy and light. We’d talked about so much and not enough. We’d experienced so many cool things. My list was covered with lines, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to keep crossing them off without him.

  But I was due back home.

  I had a life waiting for me in America.

  And Harry had a life in Rye.

  We’d agreed from the outset that we’d live life to the max and then go our separate ways. That was why the trip worked so well, because there was an end. We couldn’t do it forever.

  After everything I’d gone through with Blake, I didn’t think I could do anything for forever.

  The Bambino doors clunked closed. I ran my hand over the roof of the little car, loving its sunshine yellow coating. I thought it’d be a cramped nightmare, but Harry was right. My travel story was made ten times cooler by going in Yambi.

  “I’ll miss you,” I whispered to the car before following Harry to my rental.

  I pressed the key and the car unlocked before he reached it. I made sure to study Harry’s arms as he lifted my pack into the trunk.

  He really did have delicious arms.

  I could still feel them around me when we danced, the pressure of his fingers on my back as he held me close. I’d dreamed about it every night since it’d happened, but he’d been true to his word and hadn’t tried it on again.

  I was grateful…and disappointed.

  I frowned and reprimanded myself. “Grateful. You’re grateful,” I muttered under my breath.

  Ambling to a stop, I leaned against the hood of the car and gave Harry a closed-mouth smile as he paused in front of me. Sliding his hands into his pockets, he squinted against the sunlight and mirrored my grin.

  “Well, I hope you’re feeling thoroughly discovered.”

  I snickered and looked down at my fingers while I fidgeted with the car keys. I couldn’t tell him I wasn’t. I mean, I was, but I also stood there feeling incredibly lost, because I was about to leave him…and be all alone again.

  Except for Blake.

  I forced the reminder through my head. I still had Blake. He’d always be with me.

  “Well, I guess you should get going. Don’t want you missing that flight.”

  “No.” I shook my head, biting my lips against telling him where I was flying to.

  It seemed strange that he knew so much about me, yet so little.

  We’d avoided all those specific details and basically stuck to who we were on the inside. I felt like Harry knew a huge part of my heart and soul yet still didn’t know who I was.

  It was all so confusing, and I couldn’t help a frown.

  “Oh, come here, you.” Harry didn’t wait for permission; he just scooped me into his arms, lifting me off the ground before placing me back on my tiptoes and holding me tight against him.

  I dug my fingers into his shoulders and pressed my lips against his shirt.

  Neither of us wanted to let go.

  And I didn’t know who’d have the courage to back out first.

  “I think I’m in love with you.” Harry whispered the words so softly I wasn’t sure if I was imagining them.

  My insides froze, my eyes popping wide as I stared over his shoulder at the old brick building across the street.

  I had two ways of dealing with his words.

  And the coward in me pretended not to hear them.

  “I had a wonderful time.” I kissed his cheek and pulled out of the embrace. Squeezing his arms, my mind flashed with an image of his naked body by the waterfall. I swallowed down my desire and stepped back, bumping into the car and letting out a shaky laugh. “You were a great travel partner, and I’m so grateful for everything you did for me.”

  He forced a bright smile, but his eyes said something else. I really hoped he assumed I hadn’t heard him. He obviously didn’t have the courage to repeat himself, and I turned for my door before he found it.

  Shutting the door for me, he leaned down, and I lowered the window so he could say his final goodbye.

  “You take care of yourself, Georjana. May you get everything your heart desires.” His smile was heartfelt yet bleak. I gazed into his hazel eyes and had to resist the urge to lean forward and kiss him.

  If I did, I’d never be able to leave.

  And I couldn’t stay, because I was in love with another man. Sure, he was dead, but that didn’t matter. Blake owned my heart.

  Harry and I only worked because we were in this magical holiday bubble. I couldn’t bring him into my normal life. I couldn’t fall in love again. I wasn’t willing to risk it.

  Besides, he had his nan to look after and I had a life in LA. I couldn’t just ditch my students and move to England!

  Turning the key with stiff, awkward fingers, I gripped the wheel and stared at the road before me.

  “I’ll never forget you, Harry.” I sucked in a breath and accelerated away before he could say anything more to turn me.

  Tears filled my eyes as I headed out of Rye, but I bit my bottom lip and told myself I was doing the right thing.

  It was nearly a three-hour trip to Heathrow Airport, and by the time I finally got there the mantra was a painful earworm in my brain, chipping away at my resolve and tainting what had been two of the best weeks of my life.

  Chapter Ten

  Harry

  I stood outside The Whistle Inn until Mrs. Pimberton walked up and asked me if I was feeling okay. I nodded, forced a smile, and then petted her doe-eyed King Charles Spaniel. My insides were quiet and ash-like, crumbling to pieces as I drove home to Nan’s.

  I wanted to be annoyed with myself for not telling Jane again, but when she hadn’t heard me, I figured it was a sign. Maybe I wasn’t meant to love her.

  We’d just had the best two weeks of our lives, but if we tried to turn it into something more, it no doubt wouldn’t work. Love didn’t last.

  At least not for me.

  Fear had held me back in the past, or maybe it was complacency. I thought Tammy had been a sure thing. I didn’t need to marry her to prove I loved her.

  As far as I was concerned, marriage didn’t mean a thing.

  It didn’t for my parents, anyway.

  Tammy never got it though. We’d been together a year when she started making hints about it. Two years later she told it to me straight—I need you, Harry. Please, do this with me.

  I thought she was being overly dramatic and just shrugged her off.

  And then I never saw her again.

  My throat was thick when I tried to swallow, my jaw aching when I clenched it. Watching Jane drive away brought it all back again. The loss. The aching hole left behind.

  Parking the car, I unloaded my gear and trudged inside. Nan was in the lounge, her nose buried in a book, her forehead wrinkled in concentration. Her hands trembled when she slowly turned the page, but it didn’t seem to bother her.

  In spite of my unsettled innards, I had to smile. Nan was the sweetest thing on the planet. There was no doubt about it.

  “Hey, Nan,” I greeted softly, resting against the wooden doorframe.

  “Oh, hello, love.” She placed the book in her lap and stretched her arms wide.

  Dropping my pack, I maneuvered around the furniture and bent down to kiss her.

  “You all right?”

  She patted my shoulder and gave me a loud kiss on the cheek. “Good as gold, darling. You made good time back.”

  “Yeah, well…” I shrugged, standing tall and sliding my hands into my pockets. “She had a flight to catch.”

  Nan’s wrinkled face filled with compassion.

  I cleared my throat and turned away from that wise old gaze. Clapping my hands together, I gave them a rub and headed for the stairs. “Right, better get back to work, then. Got a bit of catching up to do.”

  “It’s okay to be sad, Harry.”

  I raised my hand to acknowledge her. “Right then, Nan. Just call me if you need any
thing.”

  She didn’t reply, and I was guessing she’d slumped back in her seat, watching me run down the stairs in denial.

  Sad.

  I didn’t want to feel it.

  I didn’t want to feel anything.

  Throwing my pack on the floor, I kicked it out of the way and stalked to my desk. Gently laying my computer bag on the seat, I took out my laptop and got to work setting it up how I liked it. Within five minutes I was back online and ready to jump into a technological sea where my brain did all the work and my heart could shut down for a while.

  Pressing the space bar, I got my music pumping. It’d get me in the right zone.

  But it didn’t work, because Tammy’s favorite song started playing, and I found myself sitting on the floor by the bookshelf staring at a picture of my love while “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” played in the background.

  Lifting the white frame off the shelf, I ran my finger over her face.

  “So, I, uh… I met someone. Finally. Bet you thought I never would.” I blinked, my eyes suddenly burning. “I don’t know what it is about her, she’s just…” I shrugged. “We laughed a lot. I tried to be exactly what she needed and ended up falling for her. Crazy, isn’t it? I didn’t think I could ever love anyone again after you, but my heart’s telling me something different. I don’t even know what to do with it, really. I mean, I tried to tell her that I thought I was in love with her, but she didn’t hear me.” I shook my head. “Probably for the best, right? I shouldn’t be spouting love if I can’t follow through with it.”

  I traced Tammy’s smile and winced. “Can’t believe I said it anyway. It took me months to find the courage to tell you. I’m so sorry, Tam. I should have told you sooner. I should have told you every day.” I sniffed, guilt roaring through me. “I should have asked you to marry me like you wanted.” Pressing my forehead against the glass, I sucked in a breath and murmured, “She’s gone now. And you’re gone, and I should be getting back to work. But I don’t know if I can. The last two weeks showed me just how bloody miserable I am without you.” My voice cracked. “I miss you, Tammy. I’m sorry I was too late. I’m so sorry.”